Post by CWD Staff on Jul 30, 2018 14:10:25 GMT -8
“I do hope we made you happy, good Mr. Roerich.”
The familiar distorted voice compliments these words appears on the screen.
Then, we’re treated to an extreme close-up of a tanned chest draped in chains. As the camera pans back, it’s revealed to be none other than Hide “Deathwish” Yamazaki. His toothy grin and wily eyes are unnecessary; those in the know are aware that this is less a man and more a force of nature whose pathway of destruction ignores simple things such as losses in the ring.
“We felt really bad that we couldn’t bring the Hollywood Honors Championship home to you, but ideally you took solace in what we did - and will do again - to that ragdoll Equinox.
And speaking of the so-called… ugh... ‘HighSpot Hero’, now, I know you’re angry right now, I know you’re scared and confused, but know that there’s always a method to our madness… madnesses? Anyway, I do recall a while back that a certain naughty face-painted boy had the auDACITY… on TWITTER… to scoff at the warning of our coming?! To say ‘bring it on’?! As if this was going to be some easy peasy cheerleading competition?! DOES YAMAZAKI LOOK LIKE THE SORTA DUDE THAT YOU CAN JUST BRING IT TO?!?!”
Yamazaki springs to life, screaming and swinging his chains above his head, eventually lowering them enough that they wound up wrapping around his neck.
“Equinox, let me make something painfully clear to you: you’re just like every other disgusting Hollywood darling, just in alternate packaging. And so, you’re just another target. I’d love to say that it wasn’t personal, but you ran your mouth online, and, well, you know the rest.”
The scene opens up further. It reveals that Yamazaki is standing in a white room with padded walls, the only thing to differentiate one wall from another is the heavily-reinforced door with a tiny window. Occasionally someone will peek through, mainly when Hide gets more rambunctious.
Now this, this is a miscarriage of justice, don’t you think? Yamazaki’s in a padded room, yet people like Equinox are allowed to roam free? Because beyond the fact you dress like Raggedy Andy, are part of some cult that has nothing to do with the CWD, and suffer from some perceived multiple personality disorder, AND were doled out the beating of a lifetime, you STILL demanded a match with Yamazaki! Now THAT is crazy, I’m sorry to say.
Good, kind-hearted people such as poor little Yamazaki are to be locked up like a rat. Just because he’s different from everyone else, just because he’s misunderstood, whammo! Exiled from society. Cast away from people - Yamazaki LOVES people, you see - and deprived - DEPRIVED! - of his humanity.
Yamazaki blatantly fake cries.
You see?! And yet, AND. YET. People like Equinox, truly depraved and demented people, not only get to wreak havoc unfettered, they get to do so as, as a CHAMPION! Truly sickening! Another reason we have such disdain for California: the bad guys win, and the chumps in the stands cheer like it’s 1998 all over again.
And we know good Mr. Roerich is sick of it all too! He tells us how he wishes he could do something about it but can’t, because he needs to show some semblance of fairness. Well, good Mr. Roerich, there’s a fine line between fairness and madness, and I think we both know on which side of that line your promotion stands on.
Hide finally unwraps the chains from around his neck, slams them to the floor, which makes a disappointingly muted thud sound, then he proceeds to Irish whip himself into one of the walls, bounces off, and elbow drops the chains.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Yamazaki is just broken up about all this. Don’t worry, my good man, this is where WE come in, remember? We’re here to fix things in the Championship Wrestling Division! We’re like all The Purge movies combined! We’ll weed out the vapid, the selfish, the ignorant, the superficial, and when it’s all said and done, we’ll be at the top of the mountain.
Hide gets back up and re-drapes the chains over his shoulders.
Of course, we’ll be ruling over an abandoned wasteland, but rule over it we will!!
Anyway, we’re getting too ahead of ourselves. Equinox. You’re next. Yamazaki?
Hide is too busy admiring his chains.
Yamazaki?
Hide mutters something to his chains, picks up a length of them, and kisses them.
YAMAZAKI!!!
Hide abruptly drops the length of chain, then pats his chest down as if looking for something in a pocket that doesn’t exist.
Since he’s topless.
Anyway, he pulls out a card and shows it to the camera.
You remember this card, don’t you? Much like everyone else, this card was waiting for you several weeks ago. It’s The Hermit card from the Major Arcana. Now don’t think because we chose for you a MAJOR Arcana card that we think highly of you, far from it, at least on a personal level, anyway.
Now. You know what comes next, I’m sure. Upright, The Hermit represents soul-searching, introspection, solitude, a withdrawal from society, meditation, and self-reflection. Seems pretty apt to me, don’t you think? These cards aren’t chosen at random, you know.
Anyway, you definitely seem like the sort that is searching for himself. Trying to fit in. Questioning whether he’d be better off alone. But you also crave human interaction, though you tend to drift towards the seedier, more suspect masses of humanity. They’re like a drug to you. You’re an addict, Equinox, an ADDICT! I guess most superheroes have their flaws, but damn. More meditation, less people. Heed The Hermit card!
Yamazaki?
Yamazaki then turns the card upside-down.
Or maybe you’d be more enticed by the reversed Hermit? Upside-down, The Hermit represents being a misfit, withdrawing from loved ones, exile, sadness, and loneliness. Well, you’re certainly a perceived misfit, a poseur at best though, but hey, the fans are always right, right? And who’s in your life right now that you truly love, that you can truly, TRULY confide in?
Look, it just seems to me that you should change your name from Equinox to Paradox, because you’re just all over the place. And if you don’t get your head on straight, trust and believe that Yamazaki here’s gonna take it off completely for you.
But hey, let’s give the little guy a break, shall we, Yamazaki?
Yamazaki immediately tears the card up into tiny pieces and blows them off his hands.
Uh. Okay then. Anyway, don’t for a second mistake our verbal abuse for an underestimating of what you can do in the ring. You can go. You can. I mean, you’ve persevered and become the California Heritage Champion against all odds. You’re so close to the top you can taste it! Things like that don’t just drop into one’s lap, they’re EARNED. So you’re one tough contender, my friend. But there’s two things we don’t do:
Buy sushi at Albertsons, and
Lose title matches twice in a row.
That means, we’re not leaving Wrestling Clinic 7 without something, be it the Heritage Championship or your severed head.
Yamazaki pantomimes wrenching a head off its shoulders, and holds up the “trophy” for nobody to see.
And if you ever doubt that the deck - no pun intended - is being stacked against you, ask yourself this: what is the name of this event?
And with that, Yamazaki raises both arms in victory as if he really won a match.
Then the scene pans in on the tiny window on the door, with some random person peering in and shaking their head.
The familiar distorted voice compliments these words appears on the screen.
Then, we’re treated to an extreme close-up of a tanned chest draped in chains. As the camera pans back, it’s revealed to be none other than Hide “Deathwish” Yamazaki. His toothy grin and wily eyes are unnecessary; those in the know are aware that this is less a man and more a force of nature whose pathway of destruction ignores simple things such as losses in the ring.
“We felt really bad that we couldn’t bring the Hollywood Honors Championship home to you, but ideally you took solace in what we did - and will do again - to that ragdoll Equinox.
And speaking of the so-called… ugh... ‘HighSpot Hero’, now, I know you’re angry right now, I know you’re scared and confused, but know that there’s always a method to our madness… madnesses? Anyway, I do recall a while back that a certain naughty face-painted boy had the auDACITY… on TWITTER… to scoff at the warning of our coming?! To say ‘bring it on’?! As if this was going to be some easy peasy cheerleading competition?! DOES YAMAZAKI LOOK LIKE THE SORTA DUDE THAT YOU CAN JUST BRING IT TO?!?!”
Yamazaki springs to life, screaming and swinging his chains above his head, eventually lowering them enough that they wound up wrapping around his neck.
“Equinox, let me make something painfully clear to you: you’re just like every other disgusting Hollywood darling, just in alternate packaging. And so, you’re just another target. I’d love to say that it wasn’t personal, but you ran your mouth online, and, well, you know the rest.”
The scene opens up further. It reveals that Yamazaki is standing in a white room with padded walls, the only thing to differentiate one wall from another is the heavily-reinforced door with a tiny window. Occasionally someone will peek through, mainly when Hide gets more rambunctious.
Now this, this is a miscarriage of justice, don’t you think? Yamazaki’s in a padded room, yet people like Equinox are allowed to roam free? Because beyond the fact you dress like Raggedy Andy, are part of some cult that has nothing to do with the CWD, and suffer from some perceived multiple personality disorder, AND were doled out the beating of a lifetime, you STILL demanded a match with Yamazaki! Now THAT is crazy, I’m sorry to say.
Good, kind-hearted people such as poor little Yamazaki are to be locked up like a rat. Just because he’s different from everyone else, just because he’s misunderstood, whammo! Exiled from society. Cast away from people - Yamazaki LOVES people, you see - and deprived - DEPRIVED! - of his humanity.
Yamazaki blatantly fake cries.
You see?! And yet, AND. YET. People like Equinox, truly depraved and demented people, not only get to wreak havoc unfettered, they get to do so as, as a CHAMPION! Truly sickening! Another reason we have such disdain for California: the bad guys win, and the chumps in the stands cheer like it’s 1998 all over again.
And we know good Mr. Roerich is sick of it all too! He tells us how he wishes he could do something about it but can’t, because he needs to show some semblance of fairness. Well, good Mr. Roerich, there’s a fine line between fairness and madness, and I think we both know on which side of that line your promotion stands on.
Hide finally unwraps the chains from around his neck, slams them to the floor, which makes a disappointingly muted thud sound, then he proceeds to Irish whip himself into one of the walls, bounces off, and elbow drops the chains.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Yamazaki is just broken up about all this. Don’t worry, my good man, this is where WE come in, remember? We’re here to fix things in the Championship Wrestling Division! We’re like all The Purge movies combined! We’ll weed out the vapid, the selfish, the ignorant, the superficial, and when it’s all said and done, we’ll be at the top of the mountain.
Hide gets back up and re-drapes the chains over his shoulders.
Of course, we’ll be ruling over an abandoned wasteland, but rule over it we will!!
Anyway, we’re getting too ahead of ourselves. Equinox. You’re next. Yamazaki?
Hide is too busy admiring his chains.
Yamazaki?
Hide mutters something to his chains, picks up a length of them, and kisses them.
YAMAZAKI!!!
Hide abruptly drops the length of chain, then pats his chest down as if looking for something in a pocket that doesn’t exist.
Since he’s topless.
Anyway, he pulls out a card and shows it to the camera.
You remember this card, don’t you? Much like everyone else, this card was waiting for you several weeks ago. It’s The Hermit card from the Major Arcana. Now don’t think because we chose for you a MAJOR Arcana card that we think highly of you, far from it, at least on a personal level, anyway.
Now. You know what comes next, I’m sure. Upright, The Hermit represents soul-searching, introspection, solitude, a withdrawal from society, meditation, and self-reflection. Seems pretty apt to me, don’t you think? These cards aren’t chosen at random, you know.
Anyway, you definitely seem like the sort that is searching for himself. Trying to fit in. Questioning whether he’d be better off alone. But you also crave human interaction, though you tend to drift towards the seedier, more suspect masses of humanity. They’re like a drug to you. You’re an addict, Equinox, an ADDICT! I guess most superheroes have their flaws, but damn. More meditation, less people. Heed The Hermit card!
Yamazaki?
Yamazaki then turns the card upside-down.
Or maybe you’d be more enticed by the reversed Hermit? Upside-down, The Hermit represents being a misfit, withdrawing from loved ones, exile, sadness, and loneliness. Well, you’re certainly a perceived misfit, a poseur at best though, but hey, the fans are always right, right? And who’s in your life right now that you truly love, that you can truly, TRULY confide in?
Look, it just seems to me that you should change your name from Equinox to Paradox, because you’re just all over the place. And if you don’t get your head on straight, trust and believe that Yamazaki here’s gonna take it off completely for you.
But hey, let’s give the little guy a break, shall we, Yamazaki?
Yamazaki immediately tears the card up into tiny pieces and blows them off his hands.
Uh. Okay then. Anyway, don’t for a second mistake our verbal abuse for an underestimating of what you can do in the ring. You can go. You can. I mean, you’ve persevered and become the California Heritage Champion against all odds. You’re so close to the top you can taste it! Things like that don’t just drop into one’s lap, they’re EARNED. So you’re one tough contender, my friend. But there’s two things we don’t do:
Buy sushi at Albertsons, and
Lose title matches twice in a row.
That means, we’re not leaving Wrestling Clinic 7 without something, be it the Heritage Championship or your severed head.
Yamazaki pantomimes wrenching a head off its shoulders, and holds up the “trophy” for nobody to see.
And if you ever doubt that the deck - no pun intended - is being stacked against you, ask yourself this: what is the name of this event?
And with that, Yamazaki raises both arms in victory as if he really won a match.
Then the scene pans in on the tiny window on the door, with some random person peering in and shaking their head.
