Post by Adi Gold on Jan 15, 2018 17:04:53 GMT -8
Los Angeles police station. 7:06pm on Tuesday January 15th 2018.
Police Officer Jones looked over Lu Wong's filled out complaint of Adi Goldblum's recent disturbance at his convenience store. It shows a shot of the two sitting beside each other giving each other dirty looks.
On the left Lu Wong and to the right of him is GWD wrestler, Adi Gold(blum).
Officer(confused)- So... what happened exactly? She 'robbed' your store without 'stealing' anything? I don't think that's how it works Mr Wong.
Wong(thick Korean accent)- She steal! She thief! Look at her! She thief! Rich spoiled American Girl! She rebel! Steal from Mr. Wong!
Adi- Speak-a-da-English please? Like... HELLO! First of all I don't need to steal anything. I'm the daughter of Saul Goldblum. Uh der huh! (She makes a goofy face towards Lu Wong) And secondly his store is a rip off with insane high prices. And it smells like the marijuana. Wink Wink. (she winks at the cop)
Officer- Okay. What happened?
Wong- SHE STEAL!
Adi- He was asking me Wong Tong Soup! Like jeez.
Officer- Please don't be racist.
Adi- Okay. Sorry. So why i happened to come into Mr. Wingy-Wing-Wong's store is because I was nervous. You see I have this HUGE GWD match come up against Melody Marshall. She just signed up with the company I'm currently the face of. I mean look at this lovely face of mine... gorgeous aren't me? Me me gorgeous, yes?
Adi makes a cute smile as the officer and Wong roll their eyes.
Adi(Clearing her throat)- Anyway... i recently watched this movie called I, Tonya. About the figure skater who hired some goons to attack and injure this much better and prettier skater. It stars the clown girl from the Suicide Squad movie. Terrible movie. One of my bowel movements could direct and act in a better movie. Um... eww... that is of course if i did MAKE bowel movements. Which I don't, of course. (laughs) And if i did I bet cheap coffee would be the culprit.
Officer- Moving on...
Adi- Yeah... well... I was worried that this Melody girl, whom I've never met. Might try and attack and hurt my knee, ankle, arm or worse... hurt my face. MY PRETTY FACE!! You know, so I wouldn't go into the GWD taping at a 100%. Therefore her getting the HUGE UPSET win over me! You know... causing me to lose my second match in GWD. Which was kind of a fluke, ya know? I mean i'm still suspicious that Fiona hired a ref to do the quick count on me. My dad's lawyers are looking into it. But anyway, Melody could hire some sexy attacker. I mean Tapioca Joe knows he won't beat the amazing Mark Storm for the GWD title. So, here's the scene. (she talks in a deep voice) "MUH MO ME, my name is Tapioca Joe. And I'm going to lose to Mark Storm. Sure I have rugged good looks, and at my age the hair of a God. But muh, i'm depressed I'm gonna lose..." (Adi flips her hair and does a wimpy voice) "Hi 'dere', my name is Melody. Melody Marshall. And I KNOW i'm going to lose to the super awesome and beautiful Adi Gold this week... Joe, could you use this tire iron and injury Miss Adi before her match." (Adi does an evil laugh) Oh oh, you see now?
Officer- Okay... we get the point.
Adi(interrupting)- Oh, i'm not finished. (Adi begins making fart noises) "HEY HEY HEY IT'S ME FARTY McGOO! ALSO KNOWN AS FIONA! THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,MELODY! ADI RULES! UT
ME, FIONA HAS TO FWART!!" (continues making fart noises trying not to laugh)
Police Officer Jones looked over Lu Wong's filled out complaint of Adi Goldblum's recent disturbance at his convenience store. It shows a shot of the two sitting beside each other giving each other dirty looks.
On the left Lu Wong and to the right of him is GWD wrestler, Adi Gold(blum).
Officer(confused)- So... what happened exactly? She 'robbed' your store without 'stealing' anything? I don't think that's how it works Mr Wong.
Wong(thick Korean accent)- She steal! She thief! Look at her! She thief! Rich spoiled American Girl! She rebel! Steal from Mr. Wong!
Adi- Speak-a-da-English please? Like... HELLO! First of all I don't need to steal anything. I'm the daughter of Saul Goldblum. Uh der huh! (She makes a goofy face towards Lu Wong) And secondly his store is a rip off with insane high prices. And it smells like the marijuana. Wink Wink. (she winks at the cop)
Officer- Okay. What happened?
Wong- SHE STEAL!
Adi- He was asking me Wong Tong Soup! Like jeez.
Officer- Please don't be racist.
Adi- Okay. Sorry. So why i happened to come into Mr. Wingy-Wing-Wong's store is because I was nervous. You see I have this HUGE GWD match come up against Melody Marshall. She just signed up with the company I'm currently the face of. I mean look at this lovely face of mine... gorgeous aren't me? Me me gorgeous, yes?
Adi makes a cute smile as the officer and Wong roll their eyes.
Adi(Clearing her throat)- Anyway... i recently watched this movie called I, Tonya. About the figure skater who hired some goons to attack and injure this much better and prettier skater. It stars the clown girl from the Suicide Squad movie. Terrible movie. One of my bowel movements could direct and act in a better movie. Um... eww... that is of course if i did MAKE bowel movements. Which I don't, of course. (laughs) And if i did I bet cheap coffee would be the culprit.
Officer- Moving on...
Adi- Yeah... well... I was worried that this Melody girl, whom I've never met. Might try and attack and hurt my knee, ankle, arm or worse... hurt my face. MY PRETTY FACE!! You know, so I wouldn't go into the GWD taping at a 100%. Therefore her getting the HUGE UPSET win over me! You know... causing me to lose my second match in GWD. Which was kind of a fluke, ya know? I mean i'm still suspicious that Fiona hired a ref to do the quick count on me. My dad's lawyers are looking into it. But anyway, Melody could hire some sexy attacker. I mean Tapioca Joe knows he won't beat the amazing Mark Storm for the GWD title. So, here's the scene. (she talks in a deep voice) "MUH MO ME, my name is Tapioca Joe. And I'm going to lose to Mark Storm. Sure I have rugged good looks, and at my age the hair of a God. But muh, i'm depressed I'm gonna lose..." (Adi flips her hair and does a wimpy voice) "Hi 'dere', my name is Melody. Melody Marshall. And I KNOW i'm going to lose to the super awesome and beautiful Adi Gold this week... Joe, could you use this tire iron and injury Miss Adi before her match." (Adi does an evil laugh) Oh oh, you see now?
Officer- Okay... we get the point.
Adi(interrupting)- Oh, i'm not finished. (Adi begins making fart noises) "HEY HEY HEY IT'S ME FARTY McGOO! ALSO KNOWN AS FIONA! THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,MELODY! ADI RULES! UT
ME, FIONA HAS TO FWART!!" (continues making fart noises trying not to laugh) Officer- Okay ENOUGH! How does Mr. Wong's store and apparent stealing have to do with this story. Start making sense, Adi.
Adi- Okay, okay. I needed a body guard, okay? Because of this attack. Sure i could handle all 3 of them on my own. But these girls and sexy elderly men are sneaky these days. But the guards I trust are currently working for my father at his conference in New Jersey. So who can you trust more at a decent rate to watch your back... easy answer... THE... KOR... E-ANS!! They are cheap and reliable. Not that money is an issue, but I spent most of my allowance on his silver halter dress and it was... well never mind. So i asked Mr. Wong if he could help me. He said buy something or leave. I did my Farty McGoo impression, he was unamused, told me to leave. I told him I'd leave over my dead body... whatever that means. He said he'd call the cops. I said you charge too much for a can of coke. And why does your store smell like the 'refer' (Adi winks again) And he called the cops. Cut to, us here in the police station talking to officer Joh-an-see.
Officer- It's Jones.
Adi- Oh, I thought it was some cool, sexy Hawaiian name pronunciation or something. You're not hard on the eyes.
Officer- Okay this either has to the biggest and most clever elaborate lie to get out of a police station i have ever heard... or something of the mind of a crazy, stupid, insane woman thought she could pull off.
Adi(insulted)- Um... or option three... the PERFECT plan of a beautiful COOL young woman pulled together by brain smart-ness...erm... yeah.
Officer- Okay, you two have wasted enough time. Mr. Wong, please go back to your store. And Adi... i wouldn't worry about this Melody person attacking you. Just train your butt off and you'll do fine. And I wouldn't come back to Mr. Wongs store again, kay?
Wong- BUT SHE THIEF! SHE STEAL!
Adi- ZIP IT! I WAS WONGFULLY ACCUSED! (Adi laughs mocking him) Oh can i bum a ride with one of you? It's so hard to get a limo around this area...or even a cab. What do you say Mr. Wong.
Wong- KISS MY ASS!
Officer- LEAVE NOW MR. WONG!
Wong leaves angrily. Adi starts playing with the cops hand with her fingers.
Adi-So how about it Officer Joh-an-see.... a lift for a young lady?
Officer Jones walks away sighing as Adi pouts. She digs inside her jacket pocket and pulls out the 'stolen coke' can and snaps it open. She takes a drink and quietly leaves the police office.
